Is the Black Church Misleading Black Women and Keeping them Single?

Is the Black Church Misleading Black Women and Keeping them Single? Some Christians and other observers to the high singleness rate women in the Black Church claim this is the case. Checkout the video above by Ms. April Mason to see her take on the issue. It is worth checking out.   

I'm feel sad the need to stick to Biblical literalism and Christian Fundamentalism too often is making the Black Church less relevant and effective in addressing the needs of Black women in regards to being married. It is reported 70% of the women in the Black Church are single.

This is such a provocative and complex topic I wish I had time to begin to go in on it. I could opine a week on this and just scratch the surface.

But to cut to the chase, I feel the present Church leadership especially Black Church leaders are creating a condition where large numbers of Black women will be single and or divorced. I hear Christian divorce is one of the highest in the country at like 65%.

Many single Black women in the Church tell me they are focusing on their children and don't have time to explore a relationship with man. Many go decades without dating focusing on their children until they're grown.

But is this wise or prudent?  And shouldn't Black ministers be warning against this type of behavior. Or should they just counsel them to wait?

I've heard a Jewish marriage counselor state that making children the primary focus of our lives creates self centered children. I concur with that outlook because children need to see us taking time to care for ourselves and our relationships.

I constantly here Christian women say their role is to "wait on the Lord" to send them a man. But they wouldn't just "wait on the Lord" for a job right?

Black Christian women prepare themselves for a good job by working hard and getting an education. Why do they metaphorically always say "wait on the Lord" to send them a man.

I'm not a marriage counselor but I think it is fair to say seeing countless women in churches for decades without husbands or dates isn't ideal even for our children to see. I mean when I go to the laundry my daughter even tries to hook me up with dates for Pete's Sake. LOL! SMH!

She wants to see her dad dating and happy. Yep, Ms. Missy makes friends with gregarious women in the laundry and asks me "dad why don't you get her number?" Awkward. LOL!

My Daughter Tries to Hook Me Up with Women LOL!

So it is important for our children to see us living a balanced life in relationships with others. Especially if we expect them to have a balanced and fulfilling life.

However, many Black Churches emphatically expect their members to attend Church a few times a week.  But is it wise to center your life around church attendance in this way if you have children or want to be in a loving relationship? 

It would be hard to be in a relationship, marriage, or just keep up on your child's homework up to date going to church a few times a week. I think a lot of this crosses issues like the Church's interests, idealized expectations, disingenuous hermeneutics, biology, psychology, etc. But I've read a lot of Black women recently who are saying similar things: http://survivingdating.com

For instance many Church women point out Biblical stories about men searching for a wives and take this as a divine eternal truth - that women wait for men to find them.  However, in Biblical times they had arranged marriages for the most part and that was the social traditions of the time.  Does that mean we take examples of social or cultural traditions in Biblical times and make them divine paradigms or Biblical doctrines on marriage or other issues?

Would it be wrong for a woman to see a nice guy and say hello and introduce themselves because it is at odds with Biblical stories where men usually searched for wives?  Maybe the guy wouldn't see a woman unless she made herself known.

I for one know there are plenty of nice, intelligent, and loving women in Black Churches and would love to see them married more and dating. I'd like to see more Spiritual sistas happy.

So these are questions that I think Church congregants need to start asking themselves. With almost 70% of Black women in the Church single and 65% divorced it is time to start to ask hard questions and to look for new answers like Deborrah Cooper and Dr. Boyce Watkins are doing in the video below. It is worth checking it out. 

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